Mon Amour Secret
by turpentine
Summary: A bashful Tamahome comes to terms with his love for a fellow Suzaku Seishi. When conflict seperates the two, neither one knows how or if they can in the end be together.(HotohoriTamahome yaoi) Rated R for perhaps chapters to follow.
1. Confession

**mon amour secret**

Tamahome sat on the edge of his big, fluffy bed, gazing in a trance at nothing in particular. He used his elbows to lean on his legs, and propped his head upon his folded hands. He was deep in thought; about the new life he had been offered as a member of the Suzaku Seven, to protect the priestess, and to fight along side _him-_ him, the one who had supplied the cushiony bed upon which he sat, and provided the room in which he made no use of but to gaze.

In all honesty, Tamahome had never experienced such generosity from any one person before. The emperor had offered a new life to him, and promised to help Tamahome's family out of the hellish poverty they lived in. That is, had the fiend, Suboshi, not killed them all like insects, first. Now, everything he ever loved seemed to have disappeared. The ancient laws forayed Tamahome and Miaka's potential relationship; they were sure to nip that in the bud. But now, Tamahome had no one to love, but him.

A light tap on Tamahome's screen shÅji snapped the young man from his daydream (which ironically took place at night).

"Come in," Tamahome said, his voice sounding ear-shatteringly loud compared to the intense silence he sat in before. The screens were pulled back slightly as a gentle face shone through just enough to be seen.

"Tamahome? Is everything alright? I saw your lanterns still on at this late hour. Are you okay?" Hotohori kindly asked, his voice smooth and clear, elegant as always.

"I'm fine, your highness," Tamahome tensely replied. A slight pause allowed Tamahome enough time to gather the courage to invite the young emperor in. "You can come in, if you'd like."

The shÅji opened and shut at Hotohori stepped into what he would consider a moderately sized room. It bore the essentials; a bed, a tea table and a few chairs, a nightstand, and a set of chochin, both for decoration and practicality.

Tamahome rigidly gestured to a chair in front of him, "Would you like to have a seat?"

"Yes, please," Hotohori replied in an upper-class, almost sarcastic politeness that he couldn't help but use. He moved a chair to face the young, blue-haired man, and sat down. Hotohori was still in his royal best, his hair neatly tied on top his head, a few wispy bangs managing to grace his brow. "Is there something wrong, Tamahome?"

"Oh, no." Tamahome caught himself staring at the emperor's sheer beauty. He was enamored and his eyes would often wander into Hotohori's majestic gaze, after which Tamahome would always look away embarrassed. "I've just been sitting here, thinking."

Hotohori gave him a questioning look. "Would you like to tell me what about?" he politely asked. Tamahome became flustered, and desperately searched for convincing words with which to reply.

"Nothing in particular," he nervously responded, his voice obviously holding back the words he would truly say had he the valor. Hotohori didn't seem convinced.

"If something was bothering you, would you honestly tell me?" the royal beauty asked. "Because I want you to know, I'm here for you if you ever have a problem."

Tamahome smiled and nodded, "I will keep that in mind, your highness-"

"Why do you call me that?" Hotohori interrupted. Tamahome looked up at him, confused. "I am your equal, and more importantly, your friend. Please don't address me so formally." He smiled at the blue-haired warrior, reassuringly. "'Hotohori' will do just fine."

"Thank you, Hotohori. I'm honored to be considered a friend," Tamahome responded. Hotohori still didn't look pleased with Tamahome's formality, which the humbler one soon picked up on. "I'm sorry," Tamahome awkwardly apologized, slightly bowing as he sat.

Hotohori reached forward to Tamahome's shoulders, pushing him into an upright position. "Please, don't," the emperor insisted. A tint of red rose to Tamahome's cheeks as the other's hands held onto his shoulders. His face seemed so close to Tamahome's right now, and he looked away, self-consciously.

"Tamahome, are you sure that you're alright?" The emperor looked at him, worry evident in his golden eyes. Hotohori, in a last effort, gently nudged Tamahome's chin to face him. "Please Tamahome," he pleaded.

"I... I..." Tamahome stuttered before surrendering to his concern. The emotional buildup was overwhelming Tamahome, pushing him to the limit. Without thinking or reasoning with himself, Tamahome leaned in to give the emperor a gentle, and yet passionate kiss.

Hotohori's eyes shot open wide. He didn't understand. Was this what Tamahome was keeping from him? Of course it was... But why now? Tamahome's lips finally left the other's Hotohori staring at the man in pure disbelief.

"I'm sorry," Tamahome instantly apologized. "I was so out of place just then. Please forgive me." His cheeks were hot with blood, his face a soft glowing, fleshy pink.

"Why..." The blue-blood began, "Why did you keep this from me?"

"It's not that I didn't want to tell you," explained the blushing Tamahome. "It just never made much sense up until just now."

It was if that momentary kiss had alleviated all the emotions from Tamahome. It all made sense now. The rivalry over Miaka, the tension between Hotohori and himseld was all a subconscious mean of covering up Tamahome's attraction to the emperor.

"I don't know what to say," Hotohori said in an indecisive manner.

"Then don't," Tamahome quickly replied. "If it didn't fee right, just tell me now. But if you have to question yourself, then please just give this a chance." Tamahome stared into the Emperor's glowing golden eyes, unashamed. It was Hotohori who looked away now. "Just one night. Give me just one night's worth of a chance. Please, Hotohori."

The emperor withheld his response. The pleading Tamahome leaned in again, wrapping his arms around Hotohori's neck. His hand wandered up to the neat bun Hotohori held his long, chestnut hair in. Tamahome gently pulled the pin from his hair, Hotohori's glistening locks falling around them. Tamahome's lips softly kissed the emperor's cheek, before he whispered, "Just this once," into the other's ear. His lips ventured back to Hotohori's elegant neck, planting gentle kissed down to the emperor's shoulder. A soft sigh escaped Hotohori's lips, as he held the other close, leaning sensitively into Tamahome's generous kisses.

"Just tonight..." he sighed.


	2. Regression

**Chapter 2**

"Nuriko, have you seen Tamahome today?" an inquisitive Miaka asker her loyal seishi and one of her best friends. The two were walking along the finished floorboards of the palace's elegant boardwalk, with no particular destination in mind. Tasuki and Chiriko had joined Chichiri on a short trip to the river for some fishing. Mitsukake would have gone as well had he not felt that the fish were unneeded, unnecessary, and thus pointless cruelty toward the animal.

"Can't say that I have," Nuriko replied. He looked above Miaka in thought, tapping a finger on the side of his face. "Come to think about it, I haven't seen his majesty, either."

"Hotohoti's always busy," smiled the Miko. "He's probably off doing whatever it is that emperors do." Nuriko smiled back and nodded to his friend.

"I bet Tamahome went with Chichiri and the others and forgot to tell us. You know how that boy can be." Nuriko ruffled Miaka's hair, which she wore down today. "Hey, I bet you're hungry. Wanna head out for some grub?"

Miaka clapped her hands together and grinned from ear to ear. "Would I!" She grabbed Nuriko's arm playfully, tugging the super-strength seishi as best she could. "What are you waiting for? Let's go!" She giggled. Nuriko couldn't help but laugh.

"Alright, alright!" And with that, he let the girl pull him as she ran to the palace gates.

"Are they gone?" a soft voice whispered.

"I think so," replied an equally quiet voice. "I think they just left."

Hotohori let out a sigh of relief, as Tamahome stood from his kneeling position in front of the shoji. The emperor was leaning back on Tamahome's bed, his waist wrapped in the soft, ivory-colored sheets. Tamahome stood with his chest bare in front of the elegant Hotohori.

"I felt for sure they would come in," Hotohori smiled, finally relaxing on the wall that the bed lay against. Tamahome grinned and sat down next to the man.

"I want to thank you again for staying with me last night, Hotohori," Tamahome smiled. The other used this time to lean against Tamahome, resting a head on his shoulder. "It 's all so surreal, last night." A quiet, breathy laugh came from the blue-haired man. "I can't express how much that meant to me."

"I should be the one thanking you. You've really opened my eyes, you let me into your soul." The elegant emperor sat up and faced the other. A soft hand guided a stray bang from Tamahome's handsome face. "I only wish you had told me sooner." Hotohori's cheeks became flushed, tears welling up in his eyes. A look of fear crossed Tamahome's face.

"What do you mean by that..." he tried to smile. Hotohori shook his head and stood up as Tamahome's mind flooded with mixed signals and confusion. The emperor began to redress, and Tamahome just stared. Hotohori remained silent, never looking at Tamahome's questioning face. When he was done dressing, he bowed slightly to the other, and began to talk to the room's exit. Tamahome shot up, grabbing the emperor's arm and pulling him around to look him in the eye. "What did you mean by that, Hotohori?" he asked more firmly, his brow quivering as he stared into those two golden pools.

"I must go," the emperor simply responded. "There is no doubt that people are wondering where I am." He stared back into the other's eyes with a sense of both formality and sadness. Tamahome released his hold on Hotohori's arm and dropped his hand to his side. He looked down to the floor, unable to took into Hotohori's intense gaze any longer. The other sighed sadly and moved close to Tamahome, lightly placing a kiss on his cheek. "I'm sorry," he whispered, then turned and left the room.


	3. Discretion

**Chapter 3**

A cheerful face greeted the Emperor, who was sitting dazed on his throne. The little blue-haired Monk had magically and almost disturbingly appeared in front of a rather depressed Hotohori, who didn't even look up to acknowledge his friend. The silence in the grand room was ear-shattering, leaving Chichiri in the rather awkward position of either trying to snap the other out of his rather depressing daze, or leave right there and then. Of course, the good-willed Chichiri abandoned the latter, and smiled wide at the Emperor.

"Good news," the monk proclaimed in delight. "Nakago has returned to Kuto and seems to have taken a docile break in his travels for Miss Yui to catch up on her studies." Still, Hotohori continued to keep to himself, as if he hadn't even heard the information. Chichiri pressed on, "They won't be heading out for a while. It seems that they feel no need to press for their other Seishi. They have no clue we've gathered all of –"

"Chichiri," Hotohori interrupted. "In the midst of absolute confusion, do you believe that ignorance is bliss?" The question caught the monk off guard. He didn't know exactly what he had been asked, let alone how to respond to it, something that Chichiri was usually very good at. Hotohori sighed, rubbing his temples with his hand as he leaned forward in his chair. "I'm sorry," he softly said. "I didn't mean to spring that up on you. Forget what I just said."

"Your majesty," an almost childish-looking Chichiri began. "I think it is always better to know the truth, no da. Ignorance is nothing but ignorance, not bliss." The monk cocked his head and smiled from ear to ear. "I'm sure everything will be alright, your highness."

"You are an amazing person, Chichiri." Hotohori leaned back in his throne now, finally relaxing. He tossed his to the side and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. "I wish I could be in your shoes." The monk raised a brow, unsure of the emperor's meaning. "You can leave, go off and be a normal person anytime you please. But I am bound to the thrown like a dog on a leash." He tightly kept his eyes shut, as if to hold back some strong emotion. "So I will just have to be happy that you are able to do what I cannot." By the time the emperor had opened his eyes, his jaw had already hit the floor.

There stood Chichiri in front of him in perfect guise; his hair done up, his outfit the same, his stance just as regal. He had done it again. He had made himself into a perfect replica of Hotohori. Quite a talent, indeed.

"No need for you to stay here, your highness. Put your hair down, walk around outside, get some fresh air, no da." Hotohori's eyes softened on his friend, a smile finally rising into his lips. "Perhaps you can go for a walk in the city with Miaka and Tamahome." As the name was said, the emperor's heart leapt into his throat. He smiled again, this time a bit uneasy.

"I think I will. Thank you so much, Chichiri." The emperor stood from the jewel-shrouded throne, bowing respectfully to his blue-mohawked friend. Chichiri took a seat in the royal chair, shifting and squirming to get comfortable. When he was satisfied, he gave a thumbs up to Hotohori and a wink.

"Don't waste your time standing here, no da!" He motioned his hands as to shoo away the real emperor. Hotohori chuckled, coving his smile with the back of his hand. "Go on!" Chichiri urged. Hotohori nodded and began to walk away, just before spinning around and narrowing his eyes at the monk.

"You need to work on softening my features. My face is much more elegant than that."

"I'm glad you're feeling better, your majesty," laughed Chichiri.

That was enough to persuade Hotohori to leave the room and find his own tranquility, with or without Tamahome (preferably with, as you can imagine). He made his way discretely to his own room, quietly changing into his informal, casual attire, and slipped out the back door of the palace.

As silently as he could, he crept around the palace grounds, until the exit was in sight. Almost there, he thought to himself.

"You highness!" A voice called from behind, startling Hotohori as his stomach flipped inside out. He turned around, red in the face, heart beating fast. Long, lavender hair almost swept the floor as the person bowed, Hotohori getting a rather clear look at the back of their head.

"Nuriko, I didn't kno-"he stopped mid-sentence as the person stood straight up. "Oh, Hoki, its you," he tried to smile. She, of course, had no trouble at all giving the emperor a beautifully elegant smile and nod herself.

"Have I caught you at a bad time?" She humbly asked. Her voice was entrancing, corresponding perfectly with her beautiful features; soft eyes, snowy white skin, natural pink in her cheeks and lips. She was perhaps the most beautiful woman in the kingdom (perhaps the most beautiful person, aside from Hotohori himself, of course).

"No," the emperor shook his head. "I was just about to take a walk. Would you care to join me?" He forced himself to smile, and lifted a hand out for her to take.

"I would love to, your highness."


End file.
